i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just googled if crying burns calories
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
