What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
