She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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