I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
