I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
