Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
