at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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