Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
