dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
