just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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