I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
