Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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