I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize