If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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