He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
