Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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