I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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