So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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