your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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