Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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