hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
