Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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