There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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