You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've blown a few things in my day
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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