he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
