You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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