even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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