i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
