So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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