i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
