I don't usually arrange sex via text message
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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