Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
