about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
