i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
