Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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