Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
