i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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