guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
