She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
