That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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