I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
