please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
