i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
