I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
