ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
