I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
