ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
