where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
