he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
