my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
