It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
