Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
