pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
