garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
