I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
50% drunk capacity currently
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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