He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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