whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
