did you get engaged???
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
