Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dick very happy bro
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
