I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
