He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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