Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
