I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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