guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
