I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
