I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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