nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
