I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
