eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
